Twas the Night Before Finals


Twas the night before finals and in the library
Strange students appeared for last minute Hail Mary’s.
Study rooms were booked from morning ‘till night
In hopes last minute cramming would teach and enlight.

They came with their coffee and eyes blood-shot red
While nightmares of summer school danced in their heads.
The librarians in reference and tutors in wait
All sat and wondered why they started so late.

When up in the stacks there arose such a clatter
I stopped grading papers to see what was the matter.
Past Darwin and Voltaire and Dickens I flew
Near the third floor balcony, they came into view.

In the light beaming through a small window pane
I watched three freshman frat pledges, searching in vain.
They all stood looking at a pile on the floor
One then exclaimed, “I’ve never seen these before.”

Soon another pledge mumbled, with a dazed look,
“I’ve heard rumors of these, I think they’re called books.”
They stared down in wonder, amazement, and fear
One asked, “Bra, what else you reckon they got in here?”

Then around the corner a librarian came
She whispered the services, each by their name:
“There’s reference, periodicals, even I.T.
Tutors for writing, for science, and psychology.
There are spaces for study, even private rooms
But you waited, and waited
And now you’re probably doomed.”

The frat boys all paused to consider their plight
Remembering the gaming and drinking and parties all night.
They smiled and grinned and one of them danced
With three hours ‘till closing, they still had a chance. 

They scrambled and hustled and tutors they found
Passing was possible if they just buckled down.
“We’ll learn by osmosis all we need to know
One trip to the library will make our knowledge grow!”
But the building soon closed and exams fast approached
The tutors had tried, they’d begged and they’d coached.
The frat boys and the others who so late came
Had no one on campus but themselves to blame.

 As they walked through the quad it was easy to tell
The odds were quite high that each of them would fail.
But as they strolled away I heard a prayer on the breeze:
“Just let me pass ‘cause C’s get degrees!”

Kevin Winchester