This Is Your Brain at the End of the Semester

It’s Tuesday, time for a blog post. I’m gonna be honest—I got nothing. Nope, zero, nada, zilch. I just posted final grades for the semester, it’s the end of exam week, and after going through all the writing portfolios—every comma splice, every misspelled word, every logic error… good lort the logic errors—I’m lucky to remember it’s Tuesday.

But done is done, and it’s starting to feel done now that the final crush of begging and pleading is subsiding. Lots of random and disconnected thoughts and questions rush in to fill the void hitting “enter final grades” leaves. Here’s a few (and remember, I told you up front I got nothing):

If you’ve not attended class since the first week of the semester, what is the thought process that convinces you it’s a good idea to come take the final exam?

If we offered a Heating and Air or HVAC degree on campus, would it then be possible to get the heat on in our building during winter and the A/C on in the summer? It’s obvious they both work. Maybe it’s a timing thing? I’ll call the Music Department, put in a work order.

I love the new water bottle my bride bought me, but I can’t get the flip lid to work. I press the button and press the button, then unscrew the top to get a drink. And yet, every time, I still press the button first. I also make fun of people who walk up to an elevator and push the button when it’s clear I’ve been standing there a while. Everything’s relative.

The largest hailstone on record fell in Nebraska a few years ago. I learned the details of that in a library. I could’ve asked the google, but I’m an old school kinda guy.

The best song the Eagles ever recorded was Old ’55…and it was written and originally recorded by Tom Waits. His version is better than theirs, of course. The Big Lebowski is almost as good as Blazing Saddles. Almost. Side hustle pitch: if you can make all the connections in this paragraph, I promise you’ll enjoy my book.

Why do you always get behind the slowest driver when you’re running late?

Bluebird asked me the other day if I could drive her to Heaven to see Cooper (our dog who passed several months ago). She said I could drop her off, but come back because she didn’t want to stay there, she just wanted to see Coop again. It was dark in the truck, so she didn’t ask about the tears.

I wonder what Hayes Carll eats for breakfast? I wonder what kinda songs Woodie Guthrie would write today? I’d love to drive across the country in a pickup truck with Ray Wylie Hubbard.

Ah, the end of the semester. I posted grades, and my office phone has started ringing. I don’t know who invented voicemail, but that person is my hero.

See, I told you I had nothing. Y’all should try it sometime. Feels good to let your mind go, to set it free to just wander around aimlessly. You shouldn’t do it for a whole semester though. You’ll end up in summer school or behind that slow driver.

My novel, Sunflower Dog, releases April 7th, 2020. Sign up for my newsletter to get monthly updates about the book, appearances, and merch opportunities. It’s easy, just click here.