'Tis the Season!

Y’all ever write one of those Christmas “update” letters? You know, the kind where you list all the great things you and your immediate family did during the past year just to let your friends and extended family know how great things are in your corner of the Universe? Yeah, me neither.

It'd could be fun, though, couldn’t it?

Hey, this is Winchester, it’s Christmas, and it’s been a helluva a year. Bought a scratch off last February, won a million, blew it all on Duke’s Mayonnaise, WD-40, and mood rings. My cholesterol is 942 and the ring says I’m mighty happy about it. The WD-40 helped the bursitis in my hip, and now I’m able to sleep through most of the night most every night. That’s all good, except I been sleeping on the porch in a surplus Army sleeping bag ‘cause the bride says the WD-40 stains won’t come out of the bedsheets.

Junior had a great year at the college. He got promoted. Now he paints the lines on the football field and he’s been making side money writing emails for students asking their teachers for extra credit. He’s in one of those polyamorous relationships, too. Him, a voodoo priestess, a gender fluid Philosophy major, a truck driver from Santee, a plus-sized model named Maude—she works part-time in the cafeteria over to the school, a goat named Penelope, and a quiet, skinny girl named Lucy all came to the house for Thanksgiving dinner.  The annual after dinner tag football game ended in a tie, though, as a couple deputies from the next county over showed up asking that Lucy girl a bunch of questions which, naturally, she didn’t answer being the quiet type and all, so they took her away and Junior’s team didn’t have anybody else to play quarterback.

Sissy’s pregnant again. We’re all excited about it this time as a couple of the possibles have agreed to a paternity test if the baby looks like them. I’m hoping it’s RJ. He’s learning to be a tattoo artist and I’ve been thinking about some new ink. And y’all know there ain’t no ink like free ink, am I right?

So anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. By the way, the bride was pickling some pig’s feet and the pressure cooker blew up and near about burnt down the front half of the house. It’s gonna take a couple months for the repairs and they said it’d be for the best if we stayed in a hotel or somewheres else while they did the work. We figured why do that when we got family we ain’t seen in a while, so we’ll be to your place come January 3rd. Oh, and we’ll have Penelope the goat with us. She’s taking a little time from Junior’s relationship thing to redefine her goatness, so she’s crashing with us. See you then!

If you’re gonna write one of those things, at least make it interesting, you know?

So, yeah, here we are at the end of the year, the holiday season is upon us. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Gleeful Solstice, Bright Diwali, and of course, Festivus for the Rest of Us this year. I’m gonna take a little break from blog posts until after the first of the year. I need to spend some writing energy on my novel-in-progress project anyway. I thank each of you for reading these posts; I’ll meet you back here in January!

My novel, Sunflower Dog, releases April 7th, 2020. Sign up for my newsletter to get monthly updates about the book, appearances, and merch opportunities. It’s easy, just click here.