That Dogma'll Dance
Well, it’s a new year and time for a new post. In the capitalistic spirit of the season, I hope you got what you were hoping for, or at least what you needed. I’m pretty sure I did. It’s kinda weighty, so I’m gonna break it down into five acts or parts, you know, like one of Willy Shakespeare’s plays. Or, for you more erudite readers who’ve progressed beyond the need for Shakespeare—fifths, just like they bottle Jim Beam. Here goes…
Act I
Think back on your life, especially the years between zero and say eighteen or twenty. Sure, we all had moments of brilliance, transcendence even, during those years but we’ve all done our fair share of idiotic things, right? Jumping off the second story roof with an umbrella. My buddy Steve sticking the butter knife in the outlet. Every minute of seventh grade. Admit it, anyone and everyone who has managed to manifest into this corporeal form did at least a couple of idiotic things as a youth.
Act II
Stay with me now… In 1962, Karl Jaspers published a book titled, The Great Philosophers, that presented what he called The Paradigmatic Individuals. These four (yes, only four) are Socrates, Buddha, Confucius, and Jesus. Jaspers picked these four because he believed them to be “paradigmatic individuals [who] have exerted a [sic] historical influence of incomparable scope and depth.” The Jim Beam translation of that suggests these four individuals have shaped society, thought, philosophy, etc. more than anyone else throughout history. Since the book was published, most philosophers, scholars, and purveyors of fine liquor and literature have accepted and agreed upon Jaspers’ view. Sure, there are others: Moses, Mohammed, and Marx perhaps. Plato, Kant, and Silent Bob maybe. The Big Lewboski, Winnie the Pooh, and Homer Simpson for sure, but none to the degree of Jaspers’ Big Four.
Act III
We all accept that these four were actual, flesh and bone, corporeal beings walking the earth, which means they were kids between the age of zero and eighteen or twenty at one time…which we learned in Act I means they had to have an idiotic moment or two along the way. During His inquisitive stage, between moments of divinity, Jesus probably swiped one of Joseph’s best wood planes and tried to shave a donkey, like any other kid would do. Sure, the young Buddha (Siddartha) saved the wounded swan, but somewhere along the way he probably painted the family cat purple and put it in the dryer for a spin. You get the gist of it. In spite of those moments, these men rose to unfathomable greatness, wisdom, and spirituality. You gotta start somewhere, right?
Act IV
To relieve stress during end of semester exams, the fine librarians at my place of employment provided materials for students to write “notes” of advice, encouragement, or motivation and anonymously post them on a highly visible wall for all to see. One stood out above all the rest.
Act V
That note is so prolific that one day, one fine day, the author of the note may well be considered the fifth (see what I did there?) paradigmatic individual. The note read: Whenever I’m about to do something, I think—would an idiot do that? And if they would, I do not do that thing. That’s some solid philosophy right there, I’m telling you, the kind you can hang your hat on. That dogma’ll dance. That mantra’ll move you. Yep.
But seriously, happy new year. This year, in addition to remembering not to do things an idiot would do, let’s try to remember that One Love is One Love no matter what coat it’s wearing. Peace, y’all!
My novel, Sunflower Dog, releases April 7th, 2020. Sign up for my newsletter to get monthly updates about the book, appearances, and merch opportunities. It’s easy, just click here.